You're Turning 30


A birthday song I wrote for a girlfriend. It made her cry.

Come on... I was only kidding. Songs like this one probably explain my relationship status.

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You're Turning 30

Happy birthday. You’re turning 30.
You really have come such a long way.
You’re turning 30. Happy birthday.
You’re starting to look just like your mom.


You’re turning 30. You’re gonna die soon.
Don’t leave your boyfriend no one else is gonna like you.
I’ve seen those stretch marks, can’t hide those crow’s feet.
Your skin is wrinkled. Your face is crinkled.
You’re turning 30. You once were perty.
Soon you’ll be described as dignified.

When you were 20 you were desired.
Now you mostly look worn out and tired.
You’re turning 30. Your lover’s looking
At an attractive younger hottie.
What did you expect you old reject?
You’re gonna lose your teeth and whittle away.
The end is coming. You’ve passed your prime.
Now it’s only a matter of time.
Until you’re buried, pick your cemetery.
You’re turning 30 you’ll be dead in a hurry.
Soon you’ll be 40, then quickly 50.
With any luck you just might live to 60.
But you’ll be drooling in a puddle.
Your nurses will have too much trouble
Keeping the feces out of your pants.
You try to hit them with your shaking hands.
Then they get angry and leave you dirty
Then you’ll be smelly and really lonely
Your friends are all dead, or else they’re crazy.
You got no where in life cause you were lazy.

 Happy birthday. You’re turning 30.
It’s so pathetic how you’re hanging on.
Have fun today your better days are gone.