Jingles

 

Phil Johnson and I wrote and performed these quick little ditties as an audition for a new Mark Burnett show called, appropriately, "Jingles"

 
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Jingles
   

Bad Reception. No Connection.
Service is down. I can't hear a sound.
Crazy zoning. I'm always roaming.
Blackouts, dropouts, no service at my house.
Sprint, you suck.
Brought to you by Verizon.

1
   

You lost your wife and you lost your job.
You lost three fingers playing Donkey Kong.
You're feeling like you want to slit your wrist.
Your favorite hooker gave you syphilis.
You got no money. Can't get no tab.
We'll cheer you up when you're feeling sad.
Beer Nuts, we're free!

2
   

You get to sleep on a soft bed.
My cardboard pillow hurts my head.
When it rains I get all wet.
Give me money now.
Cause I'm homeless.

3
   
Let her bear children and make you a home.
Put you through school and pay off all your loans.
Marry this sweetheart and start a new life.
Then when she get's old, fat, and bitter...
I'll be your trophy wife.
4
   
Best Buy can make this geek cry. They've got the best prices on computers.
Deals on laptops make my mouth drop. They've got the best prices on computers.
5
   
You put the bags in the trunk, sip your coffee, then drive away.
You've been stressed all morning, now you've finally got a peaceful day.
But then police car pulls you over. What's the trouble now?
The cop reaches up to the roof and pulls me down.
Hey, remember me? I'm your toddler.
6
   
Get it up! Get it up! Get it up!
Viagra!
7