Chris Valenti

If you’ve ever been frustrated by a relationship and you have a twisted, but healthy sense of humor, then Chris Valenti is the artist for you. Chris takes his romantic failures and frustrations personally and pours them out to you straight from his wry, twisted heart. Valenti\’s songs of struggles, blunders, and missed opportunities radiate the painfully funny universal suffering we all endure. His show is part music, part comedy, part therapy, and part romance – as well as action, adventure, mystery and sometimes horror. A philosopher of love – usually, the kind of love that did not exactly make it to that \’happily ever after\’ place, Chris writes and performs songs that touch upon the common truths of the humorous lives of single people. Songs like Passive Aggressive, about the cute little problems that get blown out of proportion in every sweet, loving relationship, and The Ghost of Your Ex, about dates who can\’t stop talking about their ex-boyfriends, strike close to home for those who can not reel in the full attention of their present partner. Don\’t Pass Out is a plea and warning to men and women everywhere to curb excessive drinking, especially on first dates. The upcoming album includes It\’s Hard to Find Someone Good Enough For Me, which nails the single person\’s core issue head on – and was featured on The Dr. Phil Show – and Everyone Can Be Replaced, a positive look at the end of relationships. Most shows end with Chris\’s new approach to women, Booty Call. A hopeful romantic with a wry sense of humor, Chris has the knack for using self-deprecation and vulnerability to write songs about the hazards and frustrations of love and attempted relationships. He’s become the cheerful motivator for the unlucky in love, because the best cure for a broken heart is laughing at someone else\’s.

Archive for July, 2007


From Violent Femmes to Violent Freak Accident

I knew it was going to be an exciting week, but I didn’t expect surgery. I thought my theme song of the week would be “Blister in the Sun” not “I Want to be Sedated.”

I had a freak accident on Tuesday that essentially led to the sharp side of a three ring binder being driven through my left cornea. This is very embarrassing and I know that I should just make up a more dramatic story, but the pathetic truth is that I pulled up to a post office to mail a binder and an envelope full of Violent Femmes/Chris Valenti tickets. I was about to get out of the jeep when I felt the car roll forward; apparently the emergency brake didn’t catch. So I instinctively pulled my left leg up to jam on the emergency brake. Unfortunately, the binder was resting on my knee. In a billion to one shot, my leg jammed the side of the binder deep into my eye, so forcefully it snapped my head back.

I looked in the rear view mirror to check the damage. I saw that my eye was bleeding out the left corner and that my cornea was sliced open exposing my eyeball. I passed out. When I awoke I gathered my senses and got out and mailed the binder and envelope. Then I drove myself to the emergency room. I know I only had one working eye, but really, it’s one more than I usually use, so I figured I was fine. Luckily my friend Adam was home, so I could park at his house and avoid the costly parking fees at Cedars Sinai.

Cut to today’s surgery, so to speak. The news gets worse. Due to the Lasik surgery I had ten years ago, there is a residual flap in my cornea, all Lasik patients have it. The injury ripped apart the hinge of that flap. My brilliant USC surgeon, top guy in the country, and up until this point, a very calming and confident man, said he had never seen anything quite like this. He tried to reposition the cornea flap back into its correct spot. But since it is now floating freely, it could pop out at any time. He wants me to stay in bed for a week.

He told me I should not play the concert at the Ventura Theater.

Ha. This guy’s funnier than I’ll ever be.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!!!! It is a mere flesh wound!

I got another eye. I may not have another shot.

I’ve got my pirate’s patch ready and I’m doing it! I suggest you be on the right side of the theater so I can see you. I urge you to come down and view this specticle. Anything could happen. The person in the front row who catches and returns my cornea flap wins a free t-shirt. I have 20 tickets left that I have to sell. I haven’t been able to promote all week for said reasons. So contact me if you want some of them.

This Sunday will be an amazing show. My Wrecked Eye and the Violent Femmes. Please come, you will be a site for sore eyes.

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One Week Left

One week left. The wait is killing me. The band sounds great. We’re probably going with Passive Aggressive, Don’t Pass Out, Booty Call, and a few others – any requests? Listen to all the songs on the Music page. We are so pumped to come up to and “wreck” Ventura. Then hand the stage over to one of my favorite live acts, The Violent Femmes! Unbelievable.
Did you get your tickets yet? Get them on the Shows page. There aren’t many left. The Femmes always sell out in Ventura. But I do have some. And I’ll get them to you at face value. Don’t wait until it sells out. They’re tracking how many tickets I sell – so buy them here or contact me if you’d rather do it in person.
Here’s a couple shots that were sent to me:
From The Comedy Store, taken by Adam

From Molly Malones, taken by Marrisa

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Get yer tickets now!

I still have about half of the tickets I was given to sell for $25. You can buy them here on the “shows” page with paypal and I’ll mail them right out to you.
The band and I have started our rehearsals. It feels like we’re reuniting every bit as much as the Femmes are. This will be our first performance since last June at Molly Malones.
Here’s a video shot last week at Molly Malones. It’s the grand finale of our 2 hour show / party sponsored by Hoagies & Wings. We finished up with each of the artists – myself, Phil Johnson, Mark Latham, and Jon Zucker – trading off lines of Booty Call.

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Opening for the Violent Femmes

A self-proclaimed emotional wreck is not supposed to have such good fortune.  It’s bad for business. 

But here’s what happened:  I was invited to bring my band up to the majestic Ventura Theater – a 1200 seat theater that is home to an amazing summer concert series of popular bands – to open for the Violent Femmes.  Do you mind if I type that again?  THE VIOLENT FEMMES!  Holy crap! 

That’s not just a big name band.  They are my inspiration.  They are the band that I’m most often compared to – and aspire to be like.  They took the acoustic guitar sound, stuck with it, and made it punk – cool – chic.  Unlike other bands in the 80s, they were not lured into the trendy new sounds of the synthesizer or the distortion pedal – the sound that keeps those other bands in the 80s.  They simply played songs with great riffs, hooks, lyrics, and energy.  They gave you fun vigorous rock with an attitude, stripped down to the bare necessities.  They were the first band to make me laugh at their lyrics – I remember the moment when I got the joke “Words make my mouth exercise.”    It rhymed; it made sense and nonsense; it was clever; it was just funny.  You’re allowed to do that in rock music?  That was the first time I understood.  This is the one band that was on my mixed tapes in high school, my compilations in college, the discs I later burned at my job, and now they’re on my iPod.  I play their music when I teach spinning – and the class always goes nuts.  This band stands the test of time.  Can you tell I like them?

And now I’m OPENING for the VIOLENT FEMMES!   I can’t really believe it.  

You must come to this show!!!   If you know anyone who might want to see the Violent Femmes / Valenti show – that just sounds so weird to me – let me know and I’ll get the tickets at a discount – $25 rather than $33.  And please feel free to encourage as many friends as possible.  You can buy tickets here (the shows page).  That’s a bargain for the Femmes alone, the other band is just a huge bonus. 

So add it up, don’t kiss off the summer lying around like a blister in the sun, buy Valenti / Femmes tix before they’re gone, daddy, gone.

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