Chris Valenti

If you’ve ever been frustrated by a relationship and you have a twisted, but healthy sense of humor, then Chris Valenti is the artist for you. Chris takes his romantic failures and frustrations personally and pours them out to you straight from his wry, twisted heart. Valenti\’s songs of struggles, blunders, and missed opportunities radiate the painfully funny universal suffering we all endure. His show is part music, part comedy, part therapy, and part romance – as well as action, adventure, mystery and sometimes horror. A philosopher of love – usually, the kind of love that did not exactly make it to that \’happily ever after\’ place, Chris writes and performs songs that touch upon the common truths of the humorous lives of single people. Songs like Passive Aggressive, about the cute little problems that get blown out of proportion in every sweet, loving relationship, and The Ghost of Your Ex, about dates who can\’t stop talking about their ex-boyfriends, strike close to home for those who can not reel in the full attention of their present partner. Don\’t Pass Out is a plea and warning to men and women everywhere to curb excessive drinking, especially on first dates. The upcoming album includes It\’s Hard to Find Someone Good Enough For Me, which nails the single person\’s core issue head on – and was featured on The Dr. Phil Show – and Everyone Can Be Replaced, a positive look at the end of relationships. Most shows end with Chris\’s new approach to women, Booty Call. A hopeful romantic with a wry sense of humor, Chris has the knack for using self-deprecation and vulnerability to write songs about the hazards and frustrations of love and attempted relationships. He’s become the cheerful motivator for the unlucky in love, because the best cure for a broken heart is laughing at someone else\’s.

Archive for June, 2007


Big News!

Chris Valenti & The Emotional Wrecks will be opening for the Violent Femmes at the Ventura Theater (1200 seats) on July 29th. More info to follow.

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Big Molly Malone’s Party

Not only am I offering a great night of music – both silly and straight.  But, I’m turning my show this weekend at Molly Malone’s into a full party - complimentary catered food, entertainment, and a bunch of great people.  I’m tired of just playing the show then having my entourage rush me through the backdoor and into the limo before I get to mingle with the crowd like the old days.  Alright, fine, it’s still the old days, but I still don’t get to hang with everyone as much as I’d like, cause I’m always up on stage working my little but off.  So this time, I decided to throw a party instead of just a gig.  And it’s going to start an hour before the show, so I can hang out and have some fun with you.  And I knew the way to get you to come early was bribe you with your weakness, dinner.  The food’s catered.  The drinks are readily available at Molly’s.  And there will be a ton of cool people to hang with!  Come down and join the fun this Sunday, July 1st at 6pm – 575 S. Fairfax Ave at 6th St. 

The catering is being sponsored!!!  By Hoagies and Wings.  I love this restaurant.  They’ve just opened up a new location last week in Sherman Oaks (14552 Ventura Blvd) to go along with their two existing restaurants in LA (1544 S. La Cienega Blvd and 5301 Venice Blvd).  I was quite a wing connoisseur in college.  I know a great wing.  These are great wings.  Come sample for yourself.  I’m not exactly sure what they’re bringing, but I know the food is delicious.  If I were you, I’d get to Molly’s early, because this great chow is going to go fast. 

Along with dinner, you’ll also be entertained by myself and three other terrific artists! 

Phil Johnson will be on tour in LA.  He and I will be duking it out once more in the Battle of the Romantically Dysfunctional Songwriters.

Jon Zucker is a piano swooner with apparently no romantic problems.  Bastard.

And Mark Latham  (married, sorry girls) will have his full band with him.

Every now and then one of us will jump up on stage and let her rip.  So for a six buck cover, you get dinner and four music shows.  I bet you spent more and got less at Dodger Stadium Saturday night.  (As I typed that Don’t Stand So Close To Me came on the radio.  How spooky.  Alright I won’t compare myself to Sting – but I did write the Starbucks song with him in mind.  How can I get it to him?)

So come join the fun.   The party starts at 6.  The show starts at 7 and goes til 9..

Also, a few members of the Wreck Club – including Dave Garrett, the urologist in Sensitive Johnson – made a hilarious short film.  Check it out at http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/e138a1f2b1.

Ian Harris, director of “It Burns When I Laugh” – and the Frantic Guy in the same scene in Sensitive Johnson – offers up this short – http://bandofidiots.com/

See you Sunday!

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Stand Up at the Improv

I did a show at the Improv last weekend without a guitar. 

My first foray. What do you think?

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Look Dad, No Hands! – Guitarless at the Improv this Sunday

Yes, It’s true.  I’ve retired from playing guitar on stage.  Well, what actually happen was that I was happily playing guitar in a restaurant with my family, then the screen went blank.  Alright, my guitar playing is probably not completely over.  There will probably be a movie.  The guitar’s still around and all.  Plus I have that gig on July 1st at Molly Malone’s.  But besides the obvious future beyond this weekend, I am not playing the guitar on stage ever again.  Certainly not at the Improv this Sunday, June 17th at 8pm.  I’m just going to talk about frustrating relationships and how they piss me off.  It’ll be nice.  Bring your whole family.

It’ll be Father’s Day, you know.  So, after your Dad enjoys his breakfast in bed, tries on his new tie, and polishes up his balls (the golf ones you got him), bring him down to the Improv for a night of music-less comedy.  What dad could ask for more?  Peace, quiet, and jokes about your mom.  He’ll love it.

A bunch of us are meeting for dinner across the street and one block east at my favorite Argentinian restaurant, Carlitos Gardel’s, at 5:30.   Even Jonathan Gold, the Pulitzer Prize winning food critic loves this place.  I’m in good company, but apparently not as eloquent as Mr. Gold in my culinarious descriptions.  I wanted that damned pulitzer for MY food reviews: Tastes great. Less filling.  Alright, I sort of borrowed that.  But reply back and let me know if you want to come try this amazing cuisine with me and I’ll make sure there’s room for you.

The Improv is located at 8162 Melrose Avenue.  Carlitos Gartel’s is located at 7963 Melrose Ave.  They have the best onion rings in town.  Don’t Stop

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The Comedy Store

I’ve never jumped out of a plane. I’ve never camped amongst Grizzlies. And I frankly couldn’t imagine going in for a vasectomy – so, don’t ask! But I think I understand the fear, dread, and utter panic that you must feel before doing something so frightening – I performed stand up on the main stage at the Comedy Store last night.
The nervous hour I spent in the Green room, waiting to go on, was the longest 60 minutes of my life – made worse by the fact that they didn’t have a performance order. They just opened the door and yelled “Joe Blow! You’re next!” I could have gone on at any moment. We all sat around as if we were awaiting execution. I felt sick. And I wasn’t alone, I’ve never seen a roomful of comics so tense. I guess that’s why they call it the Green room. Everyone’s a different shade of it.
The Comedy Store was packed. Over 200 people filled the huge room; it was a Friday night. When I stepped out from behind the curtain, in front of me was only the stage, the bright lights, a sea of faded heads, and the lone microphone. I was surprised that my legs moved enough to transport me out to the mic stand, but they somehow did it on their own – I don’t remember helping.
The guitar was strapped around my back. I didn’t want to hide behind it when I jumped out of my comfort zone and performed – what I was hoping would be considered – straight up Stand Up Comedy. I pretended I was seasoned and very good, hoping no one would notice the contrasting truth. I told a joke. THEY FRIGGIN LAUGHED! Wow, that worked! What a rush. I hoped I would remember the next one. I did! Some people like that one too.
I did a few more minutes, then played “Trade In” unplugged, literally. There was no amplification for the guitar. The people in the back must have heard the a cappella version. The reaction to the song started slowly, but the tune seemed to win them over by the end.
I have to say, this comedy thing is not easy. But it was FUN. Frightening, but the adrenaline release was overwhelming. I think I’m now addicted to crack cocaine.
The show went well enough for Vargus to ask me back. (Vargus Mason is an amazing comic! Check him out.) So I’ll be back at the Store.
I’m also going to be at the Improv this coming Sunday, June 17th, 8pm, doing it all over again. Well, this time I’m leaving the guitar at home. No songs to hide behind. I figure why not jack up the fear factor a little more.
The next set of music shows will be fun too – Phil Johnson and I will be holding the Battle of the Romantically Dysfunctional Songwriters in Camarillo(Fri June 29), San Diego(Sat June 30), and Los Angeles(Sun July 1). The LA show is at Molly Malone’s and we will also be having a couple other musical friends perform, Mark Latham and Jon Zucker. That show’s going to be more of a party. We’re bringing food and starting at 6 and going to 9. Come say hi.

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