Chris Valenti

If you’ve ever been frustrated by a relationship and you have a twisted, but healthy sense of humor, then Chris Valenti is the artist for you. Chris takes his romantic failures and frustrations personally and pours them out to you straight from his wry, twisted heart. Valenti\’s songs of struggles, blunders, and missed opportunities radiate the painfully funny universal suffering we all endure. His show is part music, part comedy, part therapy, and part romance – as well as action, adventure, mystery and sometimes horror. A philosopher of love – usually, the kind of love that did not exactly make it to that \’happily ever after\’ place, Chris writes and performs songs that touch upon the common truths of the humorous lives of single people. Songs like Passive Aggressive, about the cute little problems that get blown out of proportion in every sweet, loving relationship, and The Ghost of Your Ex, about dates who can\’t stop talking about their ex-boyfriends, strike close to home for those who can not reel in the full attention of their present partner. Don\’t Pass Out is a plea and warning to men and women everywhere to curb excessive drinking, especially on first dates. The upcoming album includes It\’s Hard to Find Someone Good Enough For Me, which nails the single person\’s core issue head on – and was featured on The Dr. Phil Show – and Everyone Can Be Replaced, a positive look at the end of relationships. Most shows end with Chris\’s new approach to women, Booty Call. A hopeful romantic with a wry sense of humor, Chris has the knack for using self-deprecation and vulnerability to write songs about the hazards and frustrations of love and attempted relationships. He’s become the cheerful motivator for the unlucky in love, because the best cure for a broken heart is laughing at someone else\’s.

Archive for the ‘Music’


Moto X Film Experience with Emmy Rossum

Motorola invited me to make a short film with their new Moto X phone for a competition. Our film was a finalist! Shameless and Phantom of the Opera star Emmy Rossum provided the Voice Over. Laura Azevedo and Brendali Espiritu provided the talent and beauty!

Check it out. And subscribe to my youtube channel Emotional Wreck! Many more movies coming soon…

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Armed With Laughter Afghanistan Tour Reunion Show & Anna Runs America benefit for Veterans

Anna & Armed

The time has come! We’re having a big Afghanistan-tour reunion show with the Armed With Laughter comics – Debbie Praver, Lang Parker, Suzy Nece and Chris Valenti.

Come join us this Thursday, March 6 at the MBar in Hollywood, 1253 Vine St – doors at 7, show at 8. It’s a benefit for The Veterans Project and U.S. Tour of Duty Check out the Facebook Invite

But just like on that tour, we’re not doing anything small. We’re joining forces with a few veterans groups and their allies – including U.S. Tour of Duty, Team RWB, The Veterans Project and Charity Miles – to support the RUN ACROSS THE COUNTRY FOR VETS by the amazing Ms. Anna Judd . Anna starts in Venice on March 22 and finishes in Washington Square Park, NYC, on June 26. Personally, I prefer Virgin Airlines, but I understand that sometimes the booking website can be a hassle. But Anna is dedicating the three months of her life to support veterans. Anna is a very special lady. We’re proud to be supporting her. Come to this show and support her as well! And meet her!

Rumor – A big name celebrity actor who owns a grammy has asked if he can perform a song! He’s known for supporting this cause…

This show will also feature a musical performance by the band Vayden, who will also be performing at stops along Anna’s run.

Come support and enjoy this great show. Debbie, Suzy, Lang and I have been waiting for the right moment to do an Afghanistan tour reunion show. This is definitely it. We performed for the active troops over there. Now we’re performing for the vets. We have some movies and photos we can’t wait to show, as we relive and tell some amazing stories from that trip. And stand up too!

A ten dollar donation will be accepted at the door – or you can also purchase online
There is also a $10 food minimum. So come hungry!!

Whether or not you can attend the show, please consider donating online to The Veterans Project.

Join us Thursday!!

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Kickstarter Complete! THANK YOU BACKERS! Miss the deadline? You can still contribute and receive the same rewards.

Thanks to everyone who backed the project, posted and forwarded the links, acted in or worked on my previous films, and acted in the videos and staged readings we did for this campaign.

I’m very fortunate to be surrounded by such good friends and to have found such a terrific creative community of collaborators.

A bunch of people missed the Kickstarter deadline, but still want to contribute these films. You can still receive the same rewards that were available for Kickstarter backers.. just contribute through these PayPal links


Contribute Here! $1 – $30






Contribute Here! $30 – $5000




THANKS! Now it’s time to go make some silly films!!

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Support my Kickstarter to fund 2 new short films – Direction & The Exchange

I’m gonna try to crowd-fund the two short films I’ve just written. There are plenty of CD, DVD, t-shirt, and download rewards for contributing to this campaign. Please check out the project’s Kickstarter page if you have even a mild interest in participating. – Direction & The Exchange Kickstarter Page

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Cowboy Christian Vale plays Afghanistan

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Incredible letter I received from a soldier – Thank YOU, Loran

Chris,
I want to thank you for coming to Bagram and putting on a great performance.

I think the sign of a good show is if people are still talking about it and repeating the jokes two days after you left, and I assure you we were.

I’ve extended my tour here until Dec. 31, 2014, the day combat operations end in Afghanistan and U.S. involvement in the war is over….for all practical purposes.

If you come back before then, please let me know. I’ll still be here and will buy you a free meal at the DFAC. That’s the least I can do. No seriously…that is the least I can do. I’ve tried to think of other things, but there is nothing even remotely less than that.

BTW, feel free to make lots of President Karzai jokes. If you haven’t figured it out yet, he very well may be bat-shit crazy.

I’m glad you are reading my posts now that you are gone, rather than before you came, otherwise you probably would have changed your mind about coming.

Thanks again for your four-man USO show and what you did for the troops. You and the gang are great Americans and Bob Hope would most certainly be proud.

Stay safe, and stay funny.

Loran

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Blog 6 – Afghanistan Tour

Each stop along the way on this trip, we were met with enormous gratitude. The point of going overseas to entertain the troops is to thank them for their service. To thank them for putting their lives on pause. And constantly at risk. But all they did was thank us. All they did was give us gifts and take us on amazing tours and show us incredible demonstrations. The troops were eager to chat and show us what they do each day. Every solider I sat with seemed relieved to be having a conversation with someone outside the military. They were so happy to get a smidgeon of attention from some homefront civilians – they seemed so thrilled to see that someone had some interest in them, someone remembered them.

Thursday night we played our last show. It was at the same venue, the Manas Transit Center, that was also supposed to host our first show last week, but that show was cancelled due to travel changes. Looking at the arc of our trip, in a selfish way I’m sort of glad we did the Manas show last. The Transit Center is the stop in Kyrgyzstan where troops are either arriving to go in to Afghanistan, or leaving the region to get away from Afghanistan. Since there’s no war going on in Kyrgyzstan, troops are much more at ease. They’re even allowed to drink alcohol. The venue was packed. Maybe four or five hundred people. And a good number of them were heading home. Hundreds of soldiers, in uniform, heading home from war. As were we. And even though it’s a silly character, I’m dressed as a quintessentially American rhinestone cowboy and standing on a stage with a huge American flag backdrop behind me. It was absurdly larger than life, while somehow at the same time more grounded than I’ve ever been. This wasn’t a movie set or a play, this was real. And easily the most patriotic moment I have ever and could ever possibly experience. So here I am, ready to entertain and thank these soldiers in this surreal surrounding. But what do they do? Before we can perform, they present us with gifts of thanks. And not just greeting cards, they held a ceremony on stage in front of everyone and presented each of us with an American flag. Flags that flew on planes during refueling missions. Flags that were part of the war. I’m on stage and supposedly about to do a comedy show… I just about burst into tears.

Why did they thank us so much? That ceremony. The tours and demonstrations we were given. The trip itself. The gratitude during shows. None of it was about the particular comics touring – of course not, we’re all no-namers. But, no one we met cared about our lack of fame one bit. All the shows were packed. They learned our names as we learned theirs. And we were all happy to meet. Events like this tour are about the melding of our armed forces with the folks they protect. The separation between military and citizen has become enormously distant, but somebody in the DOD and the USO knows that relationships are about communication. As comfy citizens, we mostly don’t have any real concept of the sacrifices these brave volunteers make for us. And the troops spend many months or years overseas in strange, unwelcoming, and often inhabitable places with the huge potential to feel alone and maybe forgotten because they rarely hear from home. Trust me, days in Afghanistan go slowly. Sure we four comics made them laugh – there’s a chance that at this very moment a couple dozen soldiers are out patrolling while they hum ‘I miss her… vagina.‘ And I hope that helps out at a certain level. But more importantly, this trip made us realize that our privileged lifestyle comes at a price. A fare these troops are paying for us. The countries we travelled through clearly struggle; their quality of life is so far below the American expected standard, it’s not even comparable. It’s our incredibly strong and dedicated military that protects the standards of living we’ve come to know. We must thank them for this. And remind them that they are part of the family too. And show them that the gifts and efforts they give are not unappreciated.

It’s terrific that the internet and social networks have allowed us to share the pictures and stories from this incredible trip. It feels like it wasn’t just the four of us who travelled to the war zone, but maybe four hundred. Maybe more. I experienced quite a paradigm shift in my appreciation for the sacrifices our troops make. Perhaps some of our Facebook friends did too. I now feel as though I didn’t only go over there simply to entertain, but really to learn. And also to share. Thanks for following along. Feel free to approach Debbie, Lang, Suzy or myself to ask about our experiences. But be warned, we may drone on about it for a while… perhaps as long as the US-Afghani War.

And I must mention a special thanks to all of the MWR personnel who made this trip such a wonderful experience – Tammy, Rebecca, Jeff, Marc, and Jean – and so many more. Your efforts and contributions need to be acknowledged and thanked too. Sure, you’re bringing a bit of home to the troops, but you’re also sending an admiration for these service men and women back home in our hearts and stories. Deep thanks to all.

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Afghanistan Tour – Almost taken hostage in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan

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Blog 5 – Afghanistan Tour

I wrote the first part of this blog on a C-17. Wish there was a font I could use to show what my handwriting actually looks like while journalling back here.

We spent one night in Bagram, a city/base close to the Pakistani border. It’s a more pleasant terrain compared to Camp Leatherneck, which seemed to be in the middle of a horribly dusty dessert in the middle of nowhere. But, Bagram has shrubs and trees; the troops there seemed more content than those at Leatherneck. …which says a lot about shrubs and trees when you learn that Bagram has mortar attacks more or less daily. We experienced one during last night’s dinner. Dinner in Bagram goes like this: Grab all the food you want to eat (always way more than you need), engage in pleasant conversation, hear a strange alarm sound off, watch half the people in the DFAC (dining facility) dive under their tables, check out the shock and fear in your fellow comic’s eyes, watch them dive under the table, realize the pleasant conversation is now happening under the table, decide to join them. There were 4 terrified comics and about 40 annoyed staff members lying on the floor. The other 50 people eating in the place went on with their dinner as if nothing had occurred. We had to wait in the DFAC for about thirty minutes as security scanned the impact zone. So, of course, I grabbed more ice cream. If I’m going to die.. I’m going down with Cookies N Cream.

While in Bagram, we met with General McConville. …You know, the guy in charge of this sector of the war. We met in his office. He had a terrain model map of the region and showed us exactly where the Taliban are, where we are, and where Pakistan is (just a few miles away). We went over our strategies. He told us winning this one means training the Afghanis to defend themselves and he believes they are just about able to do so. We gave a few suggestions… I simply asked that after we win, would he please change this stupid 1/2 hour time zone thing back to something normal. He was quick to tell me that Nepal, Chatham, and parts of Australia have time zones that are offset by 15 minutes. … I was stunned… No wonder those people are always late. Guess we’ll be invading Australia soon. I also asked him who Stan was and why every country around here was named after him. I thought I stumped him, but he deferred to his First Lieutenant who was also his interpreter; he told me that ‘stan’ means ‘land’. I didn’t see that coming. These guys are smart. And were extremely generous and friendly. This General was a Boston guy. Grew up in Quincy. Sox fan. Even took some classes at Tufts. We all bonded. And we promised to play for him again in his next war. As we left, he asked if we were now going to do General jokes. I told him absolutely not… comedy is all in the specifics.

After tonight’s show, we leave the war and head back to the battle… on a 3am flight heading towards LA. The trip may be over. But life with a new perspective is about to begin.

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(Great shot of the Old Russian Tower and the USO Brass Band that opened for us.)

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Afghanistan Tour – Bagram show

Performed an outside show next to an airstrip in Bagram, the base where Seal Team 6 may or may not have launched their most famous assault…

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